The groom’s mother may feel overshadowed by the mother of the bride, but the two roles are equally important.
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Support your son. The first duty, obviously, is to be a source of support to your son. He will no doubt have a team of supportive friends to assist him, but you should be there to support and advise him when necessary.
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Contact the in-laws. A wedding is a union of two families, and as mother of the groom you can take the lead, before the big day, in establishing contact between the two families. Of course, you may know your son’s future in-laws already, but you should take every opportunity to bring the two families closer together. Some people like to organise a pre-wedding get-together, but this is obviously not compulsory.
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Don’t be seen to interfere. Before the big day, one of the most difficult aspects of being the mother of the groom is offering help to the happy couple without being seen to “interfere”.
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Although it is traditional for the parents of the bride to pay for their daughter’s wedding, this is not always the case these days and it may be that you are funding some of the event. In this case, you can expect to have a bit more input, but you should still be careful not to be too demanding. In particular you should focus on maintaining your relationship with your future daughter-in-law, which is far more important than any small details about the wedding.
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Organise your side of the family. In terms of practical assistance, you can help to organise your side of the family. Once you know the invitees and a date has been set, you can make sure everyone on your side of the family is aware of the date they need to keep free. Once the invitations are sent out, you can help by following up any late responders.
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Plan your outfit. It’s a good idea to speak to the mother of the bride in advance to discuss your outfits. Sometimes the two mothers are advised to wear the same length and style of dress but there is really no need to do this – the key is to make sure you aren’t wearing exactly the same outfit, exactly the same hat, etc. Some brides like to the two mothers to dress in conformity with the overall colour scheme for the wedding.
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Hats and fascinators. Some sort of hat or “fascinator” is usually appropriate for a wedding. If you’re wearing a hat, remember that on the day there will be other female guests who will be waiting for you (and the mother of the bride) to remove your hats before they remove their own. The traditional time for this is at the end of the meal, but there is no harm in taking it off as soon as you reach the reception if you prefer.
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Photographs. Also on the day, you are likely to be involved in a number of formal photographs, so make sure you know when these are due to take place.
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The first dance. Some couples like their parents to join them on the dancefloor, a couple of minutes into the first dance. If the couple are not big dancers then this spares them the full attention of the awkward slow shuffle!
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The low key hostess. Unless you are footing the bill for the wedding then you are not hosting it, but you should still do as you would for hosting a party – aim to speak to as many people as you can and generally make sure people are having a good time.